


The Roommate Chronicles

by KillerQueen80



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-23 20:44:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1578959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerQueen80/pseuds/KillerQueen80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living together is an eye opening experience in different ways for Blaine, Mercedes and Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blaine's Taste In Music

**Author's Note:**

> This may be the start of a series of ficlets about what goes on in the Blamcedes Brownstone. Where they learn new things about each other. As someone who was roommates with someone I knew since Middle School, but didn't REALLY know until we lived together, I have a lot of experience to pull from. LOL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine's taste in music goes farther than pop princesses and Broadway.

1\. Blaine's taste in music went further than pop princess and Broadway.

Her first inkling went way back to high school, at a party at Puck's. She was happily buzzed, nowhere near as drunk as she got at Rachel's the year before. She was warm and content, snuggled against Sam on the couch. Next to her, Kurt and Blaine were very much past buzzed and on their way to drunk. Kurt straddling Blaine's lap, as Blaine sang along softly to him.

"I like the way you work it, no diggity," as he smacked Kurt's butt in time to the music.

She didn't think much of it, pretty much everyone and their Mom knows that song anyway.

But living with Blaine, she was shocked to see exactly how wide Blaine's musical tastes stretched.

She came home early from the studio one day, stopped home to grab an overnight bag, so she could spend the night at the loft with Rachel. Before she got all the way into the apartment, she could hear the music coming from the living room.

["This is my song for real no doubt, see the DJ's making me feel thugged out as I walk you to the dance floor. We begin to dance slow, put your arms around me, I'm feeling on your booty..."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf4yHgXdjPY)

At first she assumed it was Sam and rolled her eyes. He would like this ridiculous song. She was fully prepared to walk into the living room to find Sam dusting and doing his body rolls.

What she found instead was Blaine, lighting standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by candles, half lit, half not, singing his heart out.

Mercedes really didn't mean the burst out laughing, but she was surprised.

"Oh my God Blaine, R. Kelly, really? Please tell me you aren't gonna try to seduce Kurt with this song."

Blaine looked abashed, blushing to the tips of his ears.

"Oh god, no. Kurt would laugh. I know R. Kelly is kinda gross and everything, but Cooper put this on a cd for me when I first started dating Kurt and -"

"It's okay. You don't have to explain, he's got a lot of really good songs that I hate myself for loving. I guess I just didn't expect you to love them too. Your secret is safe with me."

Blaine smiled, relieved.

"So you're home?"

"I know, I know. Just getting my bag before I head to the loft for girl's night. Don't worry. You guys are getting the place to yourselves."

Mercedes was getting used to Blaine's quirks, because she admits she didn't know he had them. Or this many. But once she got used to his love of what her Mom called "Do me baby love songs" and her Dad called "Baby making music", she found out that he just loved raunchy music altogether.

Mercedes was used to a house full of music. She was also used to a house full of people. So she didn't bat her eye when she came home to hear Artie and Santana's laughter coming from the kitchen. What she didn't expect was what she saw when she and Sam walked into the kitchen.

"Turn that up, yo, that's my jam!" Artie says, Santana reaches for the volume on the ihome that Blaine keeps in the kitchen.

"Wow, I did not expect Wee Blainers to have this much raunch on his ipod, were you a hoodrat in your past life?" Santana says as even she starts dancing.

Blaine's back is to them from where he's facing the sink, washing dishes, but Mercedes can see him shake his head.

["From the winddddoooow to the wall, as the sweat drip down my balls, all these bitches crawl, aw skeet skeet mothafucka aw skeet skeet goddamn..."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYH7_GzP4Tg) Artie and Santana sing along.

"I think it's time to bring your twerk out of retirement, Blaine," Artie says laughing.

"Oh no it isn't."

"I'm sorry, twerk, did Artie just say you twerk. Nope, Anderson, shake that bubble butt. I won't believe it till I see it."

Blaine turns and glares at Artie before he turns off the water and actually does twerk for Santana who laughs before joining him.

"You guys call that twerking?" Mercedes says with a laugh, deciding to just join them.

"Yeah, White Chocolate used to get a lot of tips with this song," Sam says before he does his signature move, grinding against Mercedes.

Before they know it, they're having a dance party in the kitchen, with Blaine's playlist of raunchy music as their soundtrack.

That's the day Mercedes learned that her prep school, well mannered, bowtie loving roommate could dance like a stripper and was proud of that fact.


	2. Mercedes loves a good tearjerker and Buffy the Vampire Slayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine learns something new about Mercedes

Blaine's always been an early riser, even as a kid. He was up promptly at 7, although then it was more about being up early enough to watch his cartoons without Cooper ruining then with his commentary, but it soon just became part of his routine. 

Living in the Brownstone, Blaine came to realize he was on completely opposite schedules from Mercedes and Sam, who tended to stay up late and sleep in unless they had a reason to be awake before 9. 

So one Friday morning, as Blaine came down the stairs and heard not just the TV on, but sniffling, he was concerned. He had to be at NYADA for the ab class he was taking with Kurt, but if he were a few minutes late because Mercedes and Sam were upset, he figured Kurt would understand. 

As Blaine approaches the living room, Mercedes is lying in the couch with a box of tissues, her eyes red and puffy. 

"...I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's- There's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And-and Xander's crying and not talking, and-and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why." 

"Mercedes, is everything okay?" Blaine asks tentatively, "do you need anything? Where's Sam?" 

"He's still in bed." 

"Did you guys fight, do you need me to talk to him?" 

"What? No. We're fine." 

"Oh. I just... You were crying." 

"Oh. This episode just still really gets to me." 

Blaine looks at the TV. 

"What are you watching?" 

"Blaine Anderson, are you telling me that you who reads weird Star Wars fan fiction, has never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I'm disappointed in you." 

"Cooper used to watch it, but I my Mom wouldn't let me watch, she thought it would scare me." 

"Well have a seat, this is my favorite episode." 

Blaine missed Ab Class that day, Kurt saying the only reason he wasn't angry is because Mercedes sucked him into the show the exact same way and he missed Friday Night dinner and was grounded for it. 

Sam woke up to them crying as Buffy threw herself off of a tower to save the world. 

Blaine coming home to Mercedes crying in front of the TV had become a pretty common event, but he did wonder why she always watched sad movies alone. 

He asked her this one night as they sat in their pajamas watching Steel Magnolias. 

"Can I ask you a question, Mercedes?" 

"Sure," Mercedes answers reaching for the popcorn. 

"Well, I noticed that you really like watching these sad movies, but you usually watch them alone or with me, Rachel or Kurt. How come Sam never watches them with you? Especially since you're so good about watching his stuff with him. You even watched The Phantom Menace. That's kinda of a big deal."

Mercedes puts the bowl on the table. 

"Sam doesn't like sad stuff. And," she takes a breath, "Sam is a caretaker, you know? If we watched one of these movies together, I think he'd probably be really concerned about making sure I'm not feeling bad, you know? And it's not about that. It's just nice to be in my feelings and I don't want him to try and fix it, but I also don't want him to worry." 

Blaine nods, "I can understand that. Kurt likes tearjerkers too. And it used to worry me how much he seemed to be letting out when we watch." 

"Because you and Sam are eerily similar." 

"Well, so are you and Kurt." 

Mercedes smiles, "I know." 

And thus a weekly tradition was born. Once a week, after Sam had gone to bed, Blaine and Mercedes curled up on the couch to watch a movie and have a good cry. And talk about their boyfriends.


	3. What's a Blam?  (Sam and Blaine have no boundaries)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mercedes tries to understand the epicness of Blam. Emphasis on "tries".

Mercedes had heard stories about Blaine and Sam's senior year. Bits and pieces that often confused her and made very little sense. (Superheroes? Stolen trophies? What?) And sometimes, it was sweet, like when Blaine asked for her to contribute to that video for Sam. And sometimes it was just downright not okay (like the cryptic text from Tina about Blaine serenading Sam with a love song. She'd believe it when she saw it). Overall, she found their friendship to be sweet and it was obvious how close they were. 

But sometimes... sometimes they were too close. 

One morning, a beautiful morning where neither she nor Sam had to be anywhere, they were enjoying a quiet morning in bed. As much as Mercedes was still a little unsure about sharing a bed with Sam while maintaining her no sex rule (a rule especially hard to keep when she was often poked with things every morning), being held by him in the morning made it worth it. 

"Sam, so I have to say it again? Point that thing somewhere else." 

"I can't help it if he wants to say good morning," Sam says, Mercedes turns her head and glares at him over her shoulder, though there's no real heat behind it. 

"Guess you'll just have to be the big spoon," Sam rolls over and Mercedes follows him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head against the back of his neck. 

"We both have the day off, what do you wanna do?" Mercedes asks. Before she can answer, there's a light knock on the door. 

"Sam? Are you awake?" Blaine asks timidly. 

"Uh oh, sorry baby, can you give me a second, I know that voice. That's his 'Kurt's not happy' voice. Duty calls," Sam gets up and heads for the door, "I'm up Blaine. Put the phone down. I'll make you some of my special waffles." 

Mercedes sits up and watched as Sam opens the door to a sad looking Blaine. Blaine and those damn sad eyes. 

There were other things. Blaine and Sam's friendship was intimate in ways Mercedes would never be with a friend. 

Like the time she came home to find Sam sitting on the sink in the bathroom, talking to Blaine while he showered, thumbing through a comic book, like his best friend wasn't two feet away from him butt naked. 

The worst, Mercedes learned, aside from the indifference to nudity and the constant touching was the over sharing. Sam seemed to know things about Blaine that even his own Mom should not know. 

Like the fact that Blaine schedules his bathroom habits. 

One rare day where they were all home for more than passing each other on the way out, Sam stops eating his sandwich and looks at his watch. 

"Crap, Artie wanted Blaine to call him, he said it was a cinematic emergency. But it's time for Blaine's 2:15 poop. Artie's gonna kill me. Damn it." 

Or the fact that Sam knew way too much about Blaine and Kurt's sex life.

This Mercedes found out at one of their Monday night potlucks. She doesn't even know how the topic turned to sex, especially since Kurt and Blaine were the only ones at the table even having it at the moment (at least she hoped Artie's nasty butt wasn't still sleeping around.) 

Kurt and Blaine had started putting out dessert when Mercedes noticed that they had put out three full bowls of strawberries and whipped cream. 

"Not that I have a problem with strawberries and cream, but why do you have so many?"

Kurt and Blaine exchanged a look before Kurt blushed to his ears, turning away from Blaine and towards the fridge. 

"They tried to use them during sex, but then strawberry juice burns so..." Sam whispered to her. 

"Why do you know that?" 

"Duh, Blaine told me," Sam answers like it's the most obvious thing in the world. 

She watched them after dinner. And what she noticed was that Sam and Blaine touched and cuddled with each other as much as they did with her or Kurt. And she seemed to be the only one who noticed. 

"Oh I gave that up months ago," Kurt says later when she finally asks him about it. 

"You don't think it's weird?" 

"You know? If it were literally anyone else, I would. But for some reason, the two of them, it's not at all. Blaine's a touchy kind of person, it freaked me out a bit when we first met. But he's just like that. Besides, it's not like I've never snuggled with you or Rachel. Or seen you in various states of undress." 

"So you think I'm overreacting?" 

"A little, but I get it, they have no boundaries with each other. They need that. We, as the fabulous, independent divas that we are should just be glad they found each other." 

Kurt had a point, Mercedes thought. Because as hard as she's working to let Sam into her life, to open up and relinquish some control, she's happy to see that he has someone he can be himself with. So the next time the three of them are home, enjoying some kettle corn and a Buffy marathon, she doesn't bat an eye when she notices that Sam has one arm around her and the other around his best friend.


	4. Blaine is not scared of Santana (doesn't mean he wants to share a room with her)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine's heard horror stories from Kurt and Rachel about Santana as a roommate, and now she's moving into his room.

Truth is, Blaine does not know Santana very well. They've only hung out as part of a large group, and usually, that large group would break up into smaller groups, Blaine in one and Santana in the other. She's made him laugh but she's also said some truly horrific things to people he cares a lot about. Not choosing sides or anything, but he could understand why Rachel was so upset about the understudy thing. Heck, he doesn't think she's ever actually called him by his name, and his eye twitches every time she says the words "Lady Hummel". 

The point is, Blaine considers a distant acquaintance. Like his cousins in The Philllipines that he only talks to when he skypes his Grandma. They don't really know each other. They know stuff about each other, but Blaine doesn't know things like her favorite movie and how she relaxes or her morning routine, for example. 

(He does know that she went through Kurt, Rachel and Brody's things when she moved into the loft. And that's disconcerting to say the least.) 

Needless to say, this is why he's less than excited when Mercedes informs him that Santana is going to stay with them for awhile. 

Of course, he just smiles and offers to make some room in the closet. Mercedes has been clear that this is as much her home as it is his, and he never feels like a guest, but the fact is, it is her place, paid for by her record label, who is he to be anything less than hospitable to anyone she invites to move in. 

Besides, he's not scared of her. He's just... nervous. He doesn't have a lot of experience with sharing a space, and if his brief time in the loft is evidence, even when knowing someone as well as he knows Kurt, he's not great at it. 

(He really loved sharing a room with Sam. It was like being at sleepaway camp every day. Not that he'd ever gone to sleepaway camp, but he's seen movies.) 

His plan when Santana moves in is to just try to get to know her. Maybe a night or two of bonding will make that transition easier. And maybe if he just tells her things, she won't go through his things. He has no secrets, but he does have things he's prefer not he found. 

(He does move that box of personal goodies back to the loft. Just in case. And password protects his laptop. And his phone.) 

Blaine's ready. He's prepared. He's prepared to spend more nights at the loft. 

He tries asking Tina for advice, but apparently, that wound is still very fresh. 

"So I'm stuck here in Rhode Island and Santana's living with you and Sam and she's gonna be your replacement Tina. Just like always. Ugh, I can't believe Mercedes would do this to me!" She says before bursting into tears. 

"Aw, T please don't cry. No one could ever replace you, you're my boo, remember?"

"Sure, you say that now, but I keep canceling my trips and we don't have time to talk because of June and it's like you and Kurt senior year all over again." 

Blaine sighs, "Really, Tina?" 

So maybe talking to Tina was not the best idea. 

Talking to Kurt about it helped ease his fears a little bit. Not much, though. 

"She's actually not that awful of a roommate. As long as you give her space for her stuff and don't expect much privacy. She's good for a long TV marathon, her comments are hilarious when they're about Snooki and Jwow." 

"I don't know, Kurt, I just don't know if we're a good match as far as personalities sharing a small space." 

"The key to living with Santana is knowing when to ignore her and how to shut her up. If you learn those two things, she's not so bad." 

In the end, Blaine was kind of surprised by the Santana that returned from a nearly year long stay in Lesbos. 

He was buzzing with nervous energy the first night they were actually home. He had been home for hours, lying on his bed, reading the latest update on his favorite Star Wars fic when she came home. He automatically slammed his laptop closed and reached for the remote to turn on the TV. 

"Don't stop on my account," she said before turning to dig through their shared closet. He was a bit surprised that she didn't comment on any of his stuff. 

"You can stop staring, I'm not gonna go through your crap. I'm trying to be a doper person and all that, so stop acting all anxious." 

"I'm not acting like anything," Blaine says, not even convincing himself. 

"Oh please, you think Girl Chang didn't call me and screech in my ear for ten minutes about trying to steal you? She's still insane by the way. How you're concerned about me and not her is lost on me, I wouldn't be shocked if she kept a jar of that motor oil you call gel by her bed just so she can smell you." 

"So how's that whole 'doper person' thing working for you?"

"It's a work in progress. What nerdy crap were you just watching anyway? Because Weezy and Trouty are downstairs watching some show about a depressed loner vampire with some serious Daddy issues and there is only so much brooding in billowing trench coat I can handle before I want to slit my wrist myself." 

"I wasn't watching anything, but we can if you want. I've got Netflix and Kurt's Hulu+ log in." 

"Aw, isn't that cute. Have you started a creepy joint Facebook account yet?" 

"God no. Those are the worst." 

Blaine opens his laptop and clicks Hulu + on his bookmarks bar. He and Santana spend 45 minutes trying to find something to watch. In the end, they decide on The Cosby Show. 

"Lisa Bonet was smoking hot," Santana says, lying back on Blaine's pillow.

"Was she your first girl crush?" 

Santana side eyes Blaine, "Are we gonna have a lady chat now?"

"It was just a question. You don't have to answer it." 

Santana pauses, "You tell anyone and they won't find your body." 

"Right. Kurt and Sam are just dying to know who Santana Lopez was crushing on in first grade." 

"Oh, you bite back. Sure Lady Hummel loves that." 

"Kurt," Blaine emphasized, "loves my bite," Blaine blushes when he realizes how that sounded. Santana nods with a smile. 

"Okay. I'll play. It was Topanga from Boy Meets World. Your turn. Who'd you have your first wet dream about? And I mean a celebrity, not some kid that sat behind you in math or whatever." 

Blaine thinks. "Tom Welling." 

"Who?" 

"Santana. Smallville. He played Superman. He has these really piercing blue eyes. Honestly, he was the best Clark Kent." 

"I hate you so much. No seriously, I'm going to smother you with your pillow tonight, seriously? I tell you I was crushing on lame ass Topanga, and you come back at me with Superman? Jesus, your hero complex is so obvious."

"I take offense at you calling Topanga lame." 

"I take offense at you sucking at lady chats. At least your fiancé has some actual dirt to confess." 

"What did he tell you?" 

"Uh uh. Don't these chats have like, confidentiality agreements? You suck at this." 

"Fine. Fine. But you can't tell anyone. Not even Kurt knows this. Sam doesn't know either."

"I think it's hilarious that you named Trouty after your fiancé, but carry on."

"I once had a wet dream about Simon Cowell," Blaine covers his face with his hands, "I was really obsessed with American Idol, and he was so stern and truthful and honest. And I don't even remember the dream, yeah." 

Santana just stares at him. And then bursts out laughing. 

"Santana, you can't tell anyone, I swear." 

"Oh even I wouldn't be that ruthless and cruel. Besides I get it. In 9th grade, I had a sex dream about Sue. I have never been so nauseated and turned on at the same time. I considered therapy, but then both Quinn and Brittany confessed to having similar dreams, so I didn't feel so bad. But you? You have daddy issues."

Blaine nods, before turning to face Santana. 

"Seriously though, did Kurt say anything about me?" 

Santana rolls her eyes, "Get a couple of fruity drinks in him, and Hummel starts singing like a canary. He may have described your junk to us one. I believe he used the word luminescent, which, I've seen a lot of dick in my day, I don't get how that's humanly possible."

"Kurt's always been good with words," Blaine says dreamily. Santana hits him with a pillow. 

And that's how the great pillow fight of 2014 started. It lasted an hour. Until Sam and Mercedes burst into the room and glared at them until they stopped.


	5. 5. Santana Needs Her Own Place (Living With Couples is the worst)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Santana definitely didn't think living with Mercedes, Sam and Blaine would be more obnoxious than living with Hummelberry.

The plan originally was for Santana to come to New York first and find a place for herself and Brittany. Despite a year in Lesbos, Santana managed to still have some of that $25 grand from her parents. She found a job in Lesbos for spending money because she was determined not to blow her savings. 

Anyway, she got to New York and realized that she didn't have anywhere to go in the meantime, living in a hotel was depressing and she definitely didn't want to be mistaken for a hooker, though that would be excellent karma for the way she had Brody jumped by Finn. 

(You have a lot of time to think about the past when all you do when you're not having sex or working is lie on the beach.)

Luckily for Santana, Mercedes is the definition of the whole good Christian thing and invited Santana to stay with her. Santana can say without a doubt that were the situations reversed, she wouldn't be as kind. 

It was weird moving into the Brownstone, she'd dropped out of sight for so long, she had no idea when Mercedes and Trouty got back together. Or why Blaine wasn't shacked up and playing house with Hummel. 

Sharing a room with Blaine was actually kind of nice. He was a clean freak to a Ms. Pilsbury level of creepy (his bowties were kept in a shoe organizer that hung on the closet door. Organized by color using a color wheel he printed off the internet), but it meant that she never had to worry about finding his underwear lying around, more than she can say for Rachel. He was also gone a lot, following Lady Hummel around like he had carrots up his ass. But when they were home together, they actually had fun together. 

The problem was the nights Kurt slept over. No, not because of the sex. They weren't stupid enough to try to fuck with her in the room. 

The problem is that living with two couples is bullshit. 

Santana had no sanctuary away from the saccharine grossness that was Sam and Mercedes. When they're not cuddled up on the couch completely missing the point of Facts of Life (weed dispensary? Really?), Mercedes was feeding him. Literally. And for a couple not actually screwing, they were all over each other all the time. 

Every time she walked into a room. Every single time. No matter what room it was. No wonder Trouty kept six million tubes of lip balm around the house. 

And that was nothing compared to sharing a room with Blaine when Kurt was over. If they weren't bickering over something, they were having long, obnoxious talks about their relationship. Santana could probably give a power point presentation on the timeline and issues in their relationship and Jesus Christ does she not care. All the navel gazing about their breakup seemed to be fixing nothing anyway considering the amount of time Blaine spent walking around with sad, wet eyes looking like something out of those weird Japanese cartoons Brittany and Lord Tubbington watched. 

She really needs Brittany to find her passport. And quickly. Or else she was gonna go crash on the floor of Artie's dorm room.


	6. Sam Wishes Someone Would Invent Brain Bleach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam walks in on everyone.

Sam doesn't need a lot of privacy. He never really had any, so it's not something he knows to expect. For the few years of his life where his parents were doing well, he went to an all boys school, anyone expecting privacy there is just stupid. And living in one hotel room with your whole family, you learn quickly that privacy is a privilege. 

Plus, he was a stripper and he's a model now. He's lost count of the number of people that have seen him naked. 

So yeah, maybe Sam forgets to knock sometimes. He doesn't think it's a huge deal. No need to be embarrassed. 

Apparently, Mercedes doesn't agree. 

He thought she was just doing her hair, it takes her a really long time to do her hair sometimes, and so he just wanted to let her know that they needed to head out soon or they'd miss their train and have to pay for a cab. Cabs are like super expensive, especially cabs into the city. If they wanted to make it to the diner to meet up with Kurt and Blaine, they needed to get going. 

He knew Mercedes had some powerful lungs, but he didn't know she could scream that loud until he walked in on her peeing. 

"I swear Mercedes, it's no big deal, I've even walked in my Mom peeing. And like my Mom would totally go pee while my Dad was showering. Just think of this as bringing us closer!" Sam tries to reason with her, but she's not having it at all. 

"Sam Evans. I swear to god, please stop talking or you will be sleeping in Blaine's bed tonight. In fact, I think you should just be prepared to sleep in Blaine's bed period." 

"Baby, I'm sorry," Sam pleads but Mercedes can't even look at him. 

"Sam, we haven't even had sex yet and you walked in on me peeing. That is just beyond humiliating and the only reason I didn't cancel this date is because Kurt would never let me hear the end of it and I want him to see my new shoes. But you need to give me fifty feet until I feel like I can look at you again." 

Sam nods, "Maybe one day someone will invent like brain bleach. Then you can just erase things and pretend they never happened." 

"Today is not that day, boo." 

You'd think humiliating his girl and catching her about to do the wipe would be enough to teach Sam to knock on doors. But Sam's never been a fast learner. 

This time though, it's totally not his fault. It's not his fault the Deshawn gave Mercedes two pairs of Beatz headphones. And it's not his fault that they're noise canceling and he can't hear anything but the music that feels like it's coming from his brain. (Dr. Dre is either a genius or a mad scientist. And since he's always rapping about going to "the lab", Sam is leaning toward Mad Scientist.) 

Sam was coming home from a run. He knew Blaine was home, and he knew Kurt was coming over, but not until later. Sam gets his best ideas while running and he and Blaine had been brainstorming an awesome Han/Chewbacca fic that he was hoping he'd be able to convince Blaine to actually by seducing him with awesome ideas. So Sam wasn't thinking when he burst into the apartment, up the stairs and right into Blaine's room. 

"Blaine, I had the best-" 

"Sam!"

And there they were, Kurt and Blaine, butt naked with Blaine in Kurt's lap. Blaine's chest littered in hickies, Kurt gripping his hips. Sam could see the bruises forming under Kurt's fingers from where he stood frozen on the spot. 

"Sam Evans I swear to god if you do not get the fuck out," Kurt yells, finally alerting Sam enough to turn around and leave the room. 

"If you ever complain about my privacy curtains ever again -" is the last thing Sam hears before he puts his headphones back on and runs out the door and all the way to Artie's dorm room.

Sam has seen Blaine naked before, like it's no big deal. But he could totally have done without seeing him riding it like he stole it. 

Maybe Dr. Dre can invent Brain Bleach in his lab. 

Artie was not as sympathetic as Sam had hoped he'd be. Mostly he just laughed. 

Artie is a terrible friend. 

Mercedes wasn't very sympathetic either. 

"What needs to happen is you're gonna have to learn to knock. Kurt is not going to be as nice to you as I was,"

"You weren't nice either." 

"Exactly. Learn to knock, sweetheart. It will be better for all involved."

"I don't think I'm ever gonna unsee it. It's like seeing my parents doing it. " 

"Sorry, baby. But until you start knocking, you're gonna keep seeing things no one on God's green earth is meant to see." 

"Or, we could get locks on all the doors!" 

Mercedes shook her head, and Sam recognized the expression on her face. That's her "Oh Sam, you're crazy but I love you anyway" look. Sam loves that look. 

The look he doesn't love is the one Kurt gives him at dinner on Monday night. That's his "Oh Sam, Blaine is the only reason I haven't killed you yet" look. He's also seen that one a lot. 

Sam never quite learns to knock, but he does learn to take his headphones off when he gets in the house and to just not go near the bathroom when Mercedes is in there.

He does get a taste of his own medicine when he gets walked in on himself. Alone in his room, taking Blaine's advice and enjoying some one on one time with his hand a good smutty Han/Lea fic. 

It's now Mercedes who has to apologize for not knocking. That's okay though, Sam's really forgiving.


End file.
